Taking Things As They Come

Whether it is conscious or not, when you take on the beginning of something you are simultaneously open to its ending. Few things (if any) last forever and while we may not put our focus on the end at the beginning, it’s there isn’t it? There’s a general awareness of how things may or may not turn out.

I notice that we often try to avoid the endings that we’d prefer not to experience. This puts your energy and your focus right where you don’t want it and as a wise coach once told me, what you resist will persist.

Instead of avoiding what we don’t want, what if we face it. Face the end just as the beginning, with open arms. I’d even go so far as to say face it with love (which in this context some may call acceptance). Love what is and what will be regardless of the outcome. It is an exercise in trust. An exercise in faith and possibly the biggest form of acceptance one can practice.

So this week take the bad just as you take the good and the dark just as you’d take the light. Embrace it all no matter how hard, how scary or how emotional and let me know what happens.

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Notice Your Language

Have to, should, could, would, but…words I hear on a repetitive and regular basis in and out of coaching. I’m not perfect, I’m sure I still use them now and again too and I’m compelled to ask you to notice how you use these words.

I often hear people say, “I have to” or “It’s just the way I am”. Nothing you do is a “have to”; it’s a choice. Circumstances align around you to create all sorts of options and I understand that they aren’t always positive or good. AND you choose based on the information and resources you have at the time.

So the way you “have to” do and “the way you are” is a choice. You choose it over and over again with your thoughts, language, feelings, reactions, behaviors, relationships…

My question is, are you “doing” what you want and “being” who you want? It may sound indulgent to stick the word “want” in these questions and who cares. You were put on this earth for a reason. You have a calling in life. Something you love, something you are good at, something that invokes passion or light in you and makes you feel alive.

If you think any of the above it true fabulous! AND you’ll never make it to your love, your goodness, your passion, your light and your aliveness if you keep using these words.

This week please notice how often you use “have to, should, could, would, but”. Replace “ I have to” with I choose or I want. Replace “should, could, would” with I choose or I want. Replace “but” with AND. Just do it for a day and see how you feel. See what happens and please let me know what you learn either by leaving a comment, sharing on facebook at “Coaching with Jen Dunphy” or sending me a personal email to jen@jendunphy.com

Love and Light,

Jen

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Own Your Energy

Ever notice how you have a silent impact on those around or how others silently impact you? You can get a read, a feeling or a vibe off a total stranger that stays with you long after they’re gone.

You as a person in the world have a vibe. Something you present to others simply by being here. Take a minute and think about your own personal energy. If your energy has a color, what is it? If your energy invokes a feeling or has an impact, what is it?

This week please draw your attention to your energy. We can’t control the way our energy lands on others and we can choose what and how it is shared. If you could design the energy that you emit simply by being here, what do you want it to look and feel like?

Granted, there are days where our energy is not ideal or even pleasant. I’m not talking about sharing optimal energy all the time. I’m talking about being aware of how you show up in the world and choosing how you show up. Bright, dim, positive, negative, it doesn’t matter as long as you choose it, own it without remorse and be transparent about it to others.

This week notice the impact you see yourself having on others and think about the impact you want to have on the world. You may not hit the sweet spot of aligning these two 100% of the time and if you authentically choose the energy you put out and share it with others honestly, that’s enough.

What you put out is directly related to the quality of experience and life you have. I’m going to borrow and slightly edit a phrase from Mahatma Gandhi to make a request this week.

Be the energy you want to see in the world

Love and light,

Jennifer

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Play Big!

Many clients had a similar vibe this week. A desire to stick to the “right” way or what one “should” do or what one has promised to do, regardless of whether it’s realistic. There was an avoidance of dropping a ball, failing on commitments and a pressure to do the “right” thing. Even when the “right” thing is not what the client wants and is harmful to them.

My curiosity asks: What makes a person choose to act in detriment to themselves? This week from person to person, a similar answer came through: a fear of doing what they really wanted.

Fear of failure and the unknown can mix us into a particularly muddy type of confusion. A type of confusion that separates us from our values, the things we usually know and our general sense of self. We default to norms and definitions of right and wrong created by experiences and others. We neglect to listen to our own voice because we cannot hear it or are afraid of what it is saying.

In every instance this week, their inner voices said about the same thing. They quietly said, “You can do it”.

My question is: Can you really afford to let fear stop you? Especially during this time in the world, we all need each other to tap into and use whatever is most powerful within us.

To that end, I put out a call to you this week to look fear square in the eye and go forward anyways. Believe that you are powerful beyond measure and your impact on the world is great and desperately needed; if not by you, then by those around you. Your playing small does not serve the world. So this week, play big!

Good Luck,

Jen

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Gratitude

Appreciation of benefits received. That’s how Webster’s defines gratitude. On this Memorial Day weekend I can’t think of a better feeling to express and there’s something interesting about the idea of “benefits received”.

What benefit have you received from the dedication and work of members of our military? What opportunity has their chosen path created for you?

We don’t often think of the life choices we make having an impact on the world around us. Although I’ve never been in the military, I don’t think I could describe my experience of their life choices any other way. Service men and women have a profound impact on the world around them.

If only we can all be so bold as to choose such a path. If only we can all live so big and so courageously with a willingness for service to others and a dedication to our values. Imagine what the world would be like?

My request this week as you head into the warm days of summer is twofold. First, remember the men and women who dedicate their lives to preserving the pursuit of happiness. They boldly step into the unknown and beyond with a trust that is unending, a commitment that is unquestionable and a dedication to uphold their values that is valiant.

Second, know that your impact on the world is great. As Marianne Williamson said, “Your playing small does not serve the world”. Move forward in life regardless of fear because you can.  Move forward as you are no matter what the circumstances or the odds. It’s a tall order for some I know and it’s why you are here. Blaze a trail for yourself and others as your military service members have blazed a trail for you.

With Gratitude,

Jennifer

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Your Very Own Board of Directors

Two weeks ago I told you how to create a walk the talk list. In case you didn’t dig that strategy, I wanted to give you another route to achieve the same end.

I’m betting there is something in your life that you want to improve, change or even completely re-invent. Whether it’s a behavior/habit, a relationship, a job, a process or a new venture; what if you had your own board of directors to keep you on track, give you advice and help you get where you want to go.

When I was in school for coaching, a coach who had a particularly challenging task ahead of them (quitting their job of many years and changing professions) was given the task of creating a board of directors to help them stay on task.

Creating a board of directors means “going public” with your intentions and plans to people whom you know will help keep you on track, support you and generally be there for you. You don’t have to know exactly how you are going to do what you want; you just need enough expertise and creativity around you to figure it out. Think of it as your own personal focus group designed to motivate, inspire, create and move you in the direction you want to go.

The goal here is to live life outside of your head. Tell people you trust what you are planning to do, what you want or even what you’re thinking of if you aren’t ready for action yet. Then ask for their support and help and design accountability with them to check in.

This may sound time consuming AND I’m going to squash that gremlin right now. If you have email, Facebook, a cell phone with texting, god forbid you just call the person, you can make this work without you or your board members committing very much time or effort.

So get moving! Tell the world what you are up to and ask for what you need. The people around you want to see you at your best and are often be willing to help you get there!

Best Wishes,

Jen

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In Honor of Mom

Whether your mom is here, gone or you’ve never known her, mother’s have a way of making an impact on us all. It starts with that genetic bond and then goes immeasurably deeper. We become who we are through the behavior they model, the actions they take, the lives they lead and the lessons we learn from them.

Our mother is our first coach, confidant, friend and fan. She is relentless in her care and devotion whether we ever get to see this or not. It is part of the path of a mother to care more deeply than she ever thought possible. Or so I’ve witnessed.

In honor of mom or the women in your life who play a role as mothers, I have the same question for everyone this week. How has your mom shaped who you are? I know I would not be the woman I am without my mother’s will, determination, strength and smile.

Our mother’s can hold the key to understanding who we are and who we want to be. On mother’s day, acknowledging how we carry her with us feels like a great way to pay tribute and respect to the woman who brought us into being.

Best Wishes for a Happy Mother’s Day,
Jen

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